The feeling in the office lately has been frosty to say the least. There's splits in the camp, people not talking to people, people not sharing their lunch as they usually do.... It's rocky.
It all started yesterday.... While Andy and Joe were at the gym together, they were using their usual motivational techniques to push each other the limit. Andy would tell Joe to stop being such a pussy and keep going, while Joe would call Andy his 'Little buddy' and tell him he had small legs to make him keep going. When the rest of us at work got wind of this, we thought it was a laugh and stuck with the 'little' jibe. Bad idea. What happens in the gym, stays in the gym it seems.
Unfortunately, I have copped the full force of Andy's darker side - being completely frozen out and given the silent treatment by Andy. I'd like to use this outlet as the platform for my heartfelt apology. In Rap form of course.
Andy. You're not small. You're so big.
Andy. You're not small. And now I realise the silliness of the call.
You're so big. Under that massive chest, where your heart lives - I hope there's a place to forgive.
On my mouth I should've put a lid, you make me look like a pre-pubescent kid.
With my hairless cheeks, and you with your hairy face - next to you I seem out of place.
You're by far the most muscly human being I know. And when I look at my guns next to you, I wonder when I'll start to grow.
Ronnie Coleman is your idol, but he aint got nothing on you. Jay Cutler comes close, but next to you he looks like poo. Real Talk. I can handle not being a brother of steel.
But when you ignore me, depression is how I feel. It makes me sad, and I'm not even going through a gay fad. It's just that I'm always thinking of how to make it up to you, even whilst sitting down for a poo.
It's with you in mind, I wrote this rap.
The hope being, our relationship would be re-charged, like after a nap.
So when you awake,a difference I hope this rap will make. I'll give it time, I'm prepared to wait.
But one thing I can't bear to take, being the object of your hate.
Forgive me please,
I'll fold some tees.
I'll even go up and check the PO Box,
all the while yelling, "Andy Rocks"!
Many Blessings, your friend. Jay.