Rob told me to do a blog about the office, and more specifically the people inside the office. So here’s a round-up of what everyone has been up to. You don’t have to read this if you don’t want to.
Andy: Today Andy had a lot of trouble trying to buy a pair of wrestling shoes on the Internet. He’s now planning on sourcing the wrestling shoes locally. It’s a funny thought him cramming his eye-fillets in to those cylindrical wrestling boots. I’m just thinking about it now and smiling.
Katarina: Early last week Katarina fell over whilst exiting the shower and when her head hit the ground it caused a split in her skin, from which blood gushed. You laugh, but there was gushing blood. The wound was smaller than we had imagined though, and we'd have barely noticed the graze above her left eye, had it not been for her constantly telling us how she wanted to pick the scab off.
Rob: Rob is preparing for a mid-August jaunt across Las Vegas and various sinful establishments by ordering his ‘vacation wardrobe’. This vacation wardrobe consists of several new additions, the standouts being a hat (not a fedora), a pair of bathing trunks (well above the knee, but no so short the bald patch of skin on his inner thigh is showing), and some boat shoes that will only be worn with the aforementioned bathing trunks.
Joe: Joe started his own brand the other day http://itcomeswithatoy.bigcartel.com/. This has only heightened his desire to get his hands on some of McDonalds burgers.
Jay (that’s me): I was struck down with cancer late last week and it resulted in taking my first sick day from work in almost 4 years. I went home, having recently moved home (to save money for more shoes) and my mummy looked after me. The guys at work teased me (behind my back), but I healed the cancer and now I’m back.
Mel: Mel’s lover – we call him the wrecking ball - surprised her with a trip to Fiji, and she returned bitterly disappointed that no engagement ring was forthcoming despite near on 7 years of loyal service (she massages his quads every morning and night). She continues to poke pin-holes through his rubbers.
Phil: He printed lots of t-shirts and consumed a vast amount of coffee every day. His water-blaster’s also not working that well at the moment, meaning there’s a bit more water than usual on the floor.
Callun: Worked really hard to fill Hayden’s boots following the boy taking a two month excursion to the UK and Europe for drinking and sight-seeing. He also discovered he’s allergic to – amongst other things – alcohol and spicy food, which is particularly depressing for an alcoholic with a penchant for a late night curry.
Andrea: Continues to be Robs sister, once dated an Indian named Dane, we suspect she weighs somewhere in the region of 48.5 kgs, and is now on Uni holidays; meaning she’ll be around the office a bit more with her spaghetti for lunch and general polite demeanour.
Fran: Left the team last week for pastures new. With one final masterstroke she decided against saying goodbye on her last day.
Yesterday Joe - our designer - turned 27. Andy bought him a tiramisu from Philippe’s Chocolate store across the road. The cute girl at the store gave Joe a candle as well. Super Kawaii.
So yeah, Happy Birthday Joe. Without your birthday yesterday, we wouldn’t have got Fatimas for lunch. and we love Fatimas.
The other day I was eating dinner at my flat - I do this from time to time, cash flow pending – when we got on to the subject of food consumption; namely speed and volume. We all rated ourselves, and inevitably compared stories of ‘that guy’ we know that can just eat and eat.
Everyone’s got one of these friends. You know the guy; they shovel their food down faster than everyone else at the table, then sit and wait patiently, eyeing up everyone else’s food at the table; carefully analysing which female is most likely to be defeated by her meal and therefore present an opportunity for this food-loving machine to ‘mop up the scraps’.
I’ve got a few friends that fit in to this category, and one of them is Joey Wharehinga, who I have the good fortune of working alongside on a daily basis. Being able to observe this beast in close proximity and study his eating habits has been quite a wild ride. I’ve always known he had a love of food – you only have to check out his twitter to know that much (@justjoe_) – but today he told me a story that perfectly illustrated his lust for greasy burgers.
Joe. thinking of cheeseburgers. I've seen Joe drive 15 cheeseburgers in to that gut.
It was a pretty standard Saturday night for old mate Joey ‘the social piranha’. He’d been out at Hayden’s 21st and had a few beers there, before heading out to the JuiceTV Bar n Grill (Windsor Castle) for some album release party, before finally mincing it up at The White House where he took in a stag do and looked at some pies.
Somehow, throughout the course of this socialising filled evening, he was able to fit in visits to Wendy’s, the one and only White Lady, AND McDonalds. He reckons these visits spanned about 3 hours, and included 10 burgers (including the sizeable White Lady burgers). I was quite astounded that he achieved this feat, all the while still downing a few brews. So astounded in fact that I just had to share it with all of you. Marvel. Here’s what Joe drove in to his gut on that fateful Saturday night:
Wendy’s:
1 x Bacon Cheeseburger – snack.
The White Lady:
1 x Cheeseburger – filled a gap.
McDonald’s:
1 x Big Mac Combo – standard.
1 x Fillet O Fish – piss.
1 x McChicken – processed treat. no mayo.
1 x Quarter Pounder – excessive meat.
4 x Cheeseburgers – dirty little cocksuckers.
Monday:
1 x Day off work in bed sick - soft.
p.s. I also used to know this guy at Primary School who could run on gravel with bare feet without losing any of his speed. what a result.
The other day the coolest thing happened. Some lady from Hasbro asked us if we wanted to give away some of the new Star Wars toys, which we kindly accepted. I know we’re supposed to be giving them away and all that, but it was just too hard, we had to open one Boba Fett Helmet; we resisted it for a whole day but he just keep looking at me. We all had a turn wearing the helmet, and did a few gag photos of us meandering through our every day work, but wearing the helmet whilst doing so.
Crack up. What happened after that was quite disgusting, but nevertheless more entertaining than a few lame shots of us wearing the helmet at our desks. Introducing, Hayden ‘The Hammer’ Bentley. P.s. It’s Hayden’s 21st on Saturday, so for all Ladies wanting to send in their panties, just drop them off to our store at 302 Great North Rd. Oh yeah, giveaway to follow next week. And all the toys are brand new, completely clean and sterilized.
Steve keeps the Ajax at arms reach at all times. OCD.
Me. Super Kawaii.
Andy. drinking coffee. like a boss.
Wharehinga. dope bro.
Fett. at the bus stop. lol.
I was going to put something like, "Greetings earthlings" but then I realised that wasn't funny at all. Mel.
Old man Phil got amongst it, before declaring: "it's not practical".
Rob did wees out of his winky. it's so white, almost porcelain, and rumored to have no scent.
Rob offered $50 for Hayden to strip down. Should fund half an hour in town for him.
Today we did a few t-shirts for the Hutt Valley region. And Rob being the fantasy fanatic he is, insisted on this tidy little design – utilising a nice bit of pun work there too.
But Rob’s fantasy obsession is becoming a bit ridiculous, you see, he’s told me he’s saving up to go to this Star Wars convention type thing over in Europe or something. Apparently it’s called the ‘Star Wars celebration’ and I think they just sit around and talk about how George Lucas is a much cooler guy than Peter Jackson. Google it... if you really want to.So yeah, Rob’s been saving his up his Sir Edmond’s in an effort to make this cool event, and he says that he’s been having more fun than ever. This weekend he said he had the most fun 48 hours he’s ever had and it only cost 6.99 from Pack n Save. Check out what Rob spent his weekend making... Whatever floats your boat, or err, death star.
I didn't ask Rob what the hole was for because quite frankly I'm scared of the answer.
I remember in my youth St. Patrick’s Day was an occasion that I always looked forward to. At one party, we went to a friend’s flat and threw her chairs off her deck; it was awesome. My friend Ben ended up marrying her flatmate as well, crazy.
Another St. Patrick’s Day we went to town, not like Pony club with Brooke-Howard-Hyphenate or anything, just to some bars that you don’t need a girl with you or pointy shoes on to get into. At the end of the night we had to pull over on Hillsborough Rd and I helped old mate Will (Bens brother) spew on the side of the road. Ben drove past and waved, which was nice of him.
This year was fun, but in a much different way.
We had Social Media Fun. Man, I’m 25 years old this year and for the first time I totally feel 25.Back to the Social Media fun, we had a whole bunch of St. Paddys tees leftover. We needed to get rid of the tees quickly, as we were finishing at 3pm to go to the pub; I needed to decide what to do for dinner, and we wanted to have a few drinks before we left. We thought we’d get our friends on twitter and facebook to help us out.
We first asked them to bring a potato (preferably waxy) to the shop, in return for a free St. Paddys tee – Good return. Then we asked them to bring down some Guinness, well, any alcohol really – Success. We then asked them to bring down a scoop of hot chips for a t-shirt – Great Success!
In the end we got:
4 Waxy Potatoes 8 bottles of Guinness 12 Cans of Guinness 6 Cans of Steinlager 2 Bottles of Heineken 2 Bottles of Carlsberg 1 Bottle of Wine 1 Bottle of Opal Nera Two Baileys n Cream shots AND1 Scoop of Hot Chips! RESULT.
After a few drinks we went down to the Dogs Bollix for some loud Irish Music and a few more drinks. I left at about 5pm, without having a drink, with the other guys. I then went home, had some dinner with my lover, went home and was in bed by 9.30pm. I later received a txt that my name was on the door for the ‘Dead Weather’ gig (Jack White’s band) at the Powerstation. But I was already in bed. On St. Patrick’s Day. I’m 24 years old. And washed up.
‘Round the Bays’ was on Sunday, and just like previous years we went from Quay St in the City along to the waterfront at St Heliers Bay. Some ran and some walked; either way, it was a joyous occasion for all, and the BBQ after really topped it off. Check the team. RUN AK!
Rob ran in his Prada glasses. #fag.
Being the masters of Marketing and all, we really kicked ass in that our t-shirt didn't even have our logo or any branding on it. Victory.
Some interesting news came to light today. Gisborne is the newly crowned ‘Clap Capital’ of the North Island. Which is great.
I think previously Hamilton had held the title, but they’ve now been defeated. Word has it a large number of New Years revelers had an impact in these telling statistics. I’m not pointing my finger at Hayden.
Our designer Joe is from Gisborne, and while he’s not too happy with the new title, he is thinking about a new t-shirt design. I have a feeling he will no longer be welcome in his family home.Gizzy.
The start of the month brought with it an exciting little treat in the form of the returning Hayden.
Now, traditionally, when Hayden arrives back from a spell out, he comes equipped with some of the most exciting, unbelievable and entertaining stories. This time round, not so much. He did have one tale about getting strip searched for drugs at some summer youth event, but that was about it.
I’m sure you’re disappointed too, so I thought I’d post this lovely pic I got from his bebo page.
So we’re all back from holiday, some of us last week – but we’re almost back
Rob: Was in Matakana with his mates. At 28 I think his Dance Party days are dying down; his focus instead shifting to other areas like marriage and kids.
Andy: Partied in Hahei with a whole bunch of his friends over New Years, the remainder was spent playing playstation, at the gym, eating, and sleeping.
Jay: I spent a large amount of time tanning my thighs. They’re pretty black now – though they could be blacker. Also became a vegetarian.
Joe: Went to Gisborne and tried to impress his old school mates by doing some extreme Water Sports. Broke his arm skim boarding in a move that failed to earn him any additional ‘street-cred’.
Andrea: Went to Matakana and managed to avoid her brother Rob the entire time. Mean.
Hayden: Went to Australia where I’m presuming he got really drunk and did stupid things. Highlight: being given the ‘rubber-glove’ treatment by a cop, on account of the person next to him tripping balls.
Melanie: Played some drinking games at ‘Coro Gold’ involving a hammer, a sock, flames, a buffalo (stuffed for safety reasons), a 9-iron, and some ice cubes.
Phil: Just hung out, had a few curries and rode his scooter about the place. Printed a few t-shirts too.
Francesca: Went to New York and returned with a whole bunch of goodies for everyone – which was awesome. Jalapeno & Ranch Pringles. The best crisp you’ve ever eaten. Easily.
Mat: He’s not really here anymore, and I don’t really know what he did.
Sarah: Travelled around the globe missing Hayden.
And we’ve pretty much all seen/are going to see 3D Avatar.
Sorry it’s taken so long to report back with the results from the Christmas Party on Friday, but I just can’t handle hangovers like I used to… I’ve spent the last few days just wallowing away feeling like someone made me do 18 shots of petrol.
The Christmas Party was highly anticipated this year, with the largest attendance ever recorded – a testament to our rapid growth this year. And it didn’t disappoint. It was a night of drama, competition, revelation and romance. But first, a recap of the amazing race challenge. Turns out my predictions were spot on.
Team A: 2ndJoe, Andy, Rob, Andrea.Early predictions of underhand tactics proved correct when the opening task of putting together a puzzle resulted in Joe and Andy ambushing Team B and destroying their almost completed puzzle. While they performed several tasks with aplomb and admirably attended every checkpoint on time, they just weren’t good enough in the end.
Team B: 3rd=Jay, Hayden, Jared, Matt.Exceeded expectations by even making it out of the bar and ticking a few tasks off the list. Unfortunately that only lasted about 20 minutes before they were back at the bar – where they set about working their way through the shots menu – missing every checkpoint along the way. Only got kicked out of one bar, which is a sensible effort all things considered.
Team C: 1stMel, Sarah, Francesca, Phil.We don’t really know how they did it, but they did. The power puff girls dominated from start to finish displaying enthusiasm, determination and organization. Not exactly a crowd favorite, but congratulations are in order. Seeing Phil kiss his medal all night made us sick.After that we went back to work for a few drinks, before heading out to Monsoon Poon for one of the most delicious meals we’ve ever had. Thanks Monsoon Poon – we endorse what you do. A night on the tiles followed at Casette9 and later Honey Bar. We lost a few along the way, and Saturday morning work sucked, but we got it done.
So we’ve got our Christmas party today. And there’s only one thing I love more than Christmas Parties, and that’s Weddings. Nohomo - I just love whipping off the tie and putting it around my head for the dance portion of the evening.In 2007 we went to the Mexican café and got drunk and then did some Karaoke, which was a blast. Last year we got drunk and then went to Spookers, which again was a blast.
So this year we’re doing an Amazing Race type deal where we cavort around the CBD looking for clues and stuff like that. Which we will be doing drunk. There are three teams, and the razzing has already begun. A healthy rivalry is developing, so I thought I’d take a closer look at the teams and their credentials.
TEAM A
Members: Hayden, Mat, Jay, and Jarred Captain: Jay Strengths: Underdogs for obvious reasons; their understated preparation means they’re a team not to be ignored, partly because there are only two other teams. Weakness: A penchant for getting hammered drunk could see this team spending a large portion of this competition up a tree with a 12 box each playing ‘possum’. A realistic outcome. Media Tag: Party boys with no fear and nothing to lose, except their police diversions. Prediction: Unlikely victors, they’re quick on their feet and are unlikely to be phased by pressure or time restrictions. 3rd
TEAM B
Members: Joe, Andy, Rob, Andrea Captain: Joe Strengths: Several ‘Captain of Industry’ types; there’s certainly a competitive streak in Team B. Weaknesses: Arrogance, in which they possess an abundant amount. Andy’s reluctance to break a sweat, resulting in muscle loss. And the big question; can Andrea step out of big bro Robs shadow and make a contribution. Media Tag: Pompous men unafraid of using underhand tactics. They talk a lot but it remains to be seen if it’s all bullshit.Prediction: The tactical nous of Andy, the silent leadership style of Joe and the can-do attitude of Rob should see them competing for a top three spot. 2nd
TEAM C
Members: Francesca, Sarah, Mel, Phil Captain: Mel Strengths: With a particularly female presence, this team undoubtedly has drive and organisation the other teams lack. They’ve copped a lot of pre-party criticism – motivation. In Mel they have a competent leader. Weaknesses: With Phil being the only guy, there is already a click developing. Key will be gelling and using all the attributes of each member. Three girls and very little physical strength may count against them. Media Tag: Power Puff Girls. And Phil. Prediction: They’re not expected to perform, but their heart, determination and systemisation could see them take this out. 1st
On Monday we were having our office meeting, just sitting around. We were all performing our usual tasks.
Andy was cutting the calluses off his hands with scissors
Joe was doodling some diddles on his pad
I was thinking about how I need to tan my thighs more for summer
Mel was waiting patiently with her little note pad in hand like a good student of PR
Rob’s head was buzzing like an ADHD child about to explode after his brainstorming session.
So we got started when suddenly out the corner of his eye, Rob noticed a RAT stroll in from the showroom through the office and under the couch. Resembling a well-rehearsed Mexican wave, Rob leading the way, we all jumped on to our seats and/or closest piece of furniture that took us closer to the heavens and bellowed out a series of high-pitched expletives - perhaps in a bid to deafen the scampering vermin.
Real Men taking care of bidness.
Personally, I had the toes out that day so no way was I putting the flippers down on ground level to get chewed off. This rat was BIG. And it was quick. So we called in the reinforcements. Hayden came in from out back armed with a rubber mallet, a cricket bat, two of those leveler sticks that builders use and promptly proclaimed his intent “Fuck it, I’ll just kill it”... It was hysteria; everyone had a prod, I ran out in to the warehouse, Joe stepped on it and it ran over his size 13 foot, it climbed up one of the computers, Andy ignored it and went back to work, and we finally settled on the tactic of luring it in to a cardboard box. We felt this would cut down on blood splatter, risk of infection, and utilise Mel’s lightning reflexes. We won. Joe and Rob directed the Rat in to the box for Mel to trap and after performing a ritualistic celebratory dance; we released the beast on to Great North Rd. With that, the Rat skipped out of the box and sprinted up Great North Rd and in to the Car Dealership next door. We wish him well and thank him for the most entertaining meeting of our lives.
A big happy Birthday to young Andrea who turned 20 today!Rob’s new initiative on Birthdays is to buy the whole office lunch. It’s really awesome and the last few months have brought with it a glut of Murder Burger and Hell Pizza to celebrate Joes, mine (Jay), and now Andrea’s Birthdays.So well done Andrea, and thanks for the lovely Murder Burger. Here’s a little picture celebration of Andrea. Andrea loves going to dance parties, drinking at places like Shadows Bar n Grill, and modeling Mr Vintage t-shirts… as you can tell.
At this party the other day I had the pleasure of unwittingly taking in a group of teenagers discussing their New Years plans. What are you doing for new years. Where are you going new years. Yeah I totally wanted to go there. Oh my gosh Hannah is going there and she’s such a bitch so I’m totally not going there. Yeah New Years. New Years. New Years.
So here’s what we’re doing for New Years. Totally.
Rob: Attending a Dance Party called ‘Lowlife’ at Matakana, or ‘Mata-Chaos’ as him and his teenage friends call it.
Andy: Unconfirmed. Probably wherever ‘The Feelers’ are playing.
Jay: Somewhere up north, on account of owning half of it.
Joe: Gisborne, and yes. He will be signing autographs and hosting story telling sessions about the ‘big smoke’.
Andrea: Following in the footsteps of big brother Rob. Matakana. Lay off the drugs.
Hayden: Australia. In a ditch using a bottle of vodka for a pillow. Joined by a lady in a cocktail dress of course.
Melanie: Coromandel Gold with her Fiancé Steve. She plans on using the time to do some “wedding planning”.
Phil: "Probably just camping somewhere". Hippie.
Francesca: Just to old New York for her.
Mat: Somewhere wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt and sporting a fake tan.
Sarah: I have no idea what kids like her do these days.
I chose this picture because it just screams 'New Year's'.
