This morning I discovered something pretty amazing. MTV clearly had the ‘if it aint broke, don’t fix it’ mantra in mind when deciding on their latest offering, the cleverly titled “Geordie Shore”. As you’d rightly assume, the show is based around a bunch of morons living in a house, getting drunk, molesting people, being dumb; going out, getting more drunk, molesting more people, and being loud dumb drunks – all purely for our entertainment. Bankable gold.
Will it be more entertaining than Jersey Shore? It’s hard to fathom that there would be a group of people dumber than the Jersey cast, but if there was one region of people that could do it, it would be the Geordies of Newcastle, England. Don’t get me wrong, I myself support the Newcastle Football team, but there’s no denying they’re a fickle breed.
What you have to understand about Newcastle is that it’s a very industrial town, and for most of the population, they have very little to live for besides football, booze, football, currie, football, pies, football and sex. And football. To some of you that may seem like a lot; in any case, the recipe - I think you’ll find - is a very tasty show.
Sidenote: I’m thinking of pitching an idea to MTV to do a New Zealand version: ‘Crawshaw Shore’. Crawshaw, located deep in the heart of West Hamilton, has a lot to be proud of. Just check their Wikipedia page and that will tell you all you need to know about Crawshaw. All was going swimmingly in the house until... drama... Shane discovers he has the Clap and has to break it to Kerry-Anne, Shannon, Casey, Stacey, Reagan, Taylor, Kenneth and Mike – all of whom he has had intercourse with. I can see it now. They’d be popping sti pills like candy.
Anyway, meet the cast of ‘Geordie Shore’ below. And then become very excited, for when it hits our screens your mind will be blown; dumber, but the whole process will be a confidence booster nonetheless if you feel like you’ve underachieved in life. The depressing part is that these fools usually become pretty rich. One minute they’re pissing in front of a cash machine with panties around their ankles, the next they’re releasing a book about tanning. It’s all very sad.
Just so you know, a Geordie girl did actually piss in front of a cash machine. see: