So by now everyone’s seen the Paul Henry ‘Moustache-gate’ video. Quality. For those of you who haven’t and those of you who just want to have another laugh – here it is.
I love how concerned Alison is when she realises Paul is about to read the letters. She’s such a cutie in this video. It took me about 5 watches to get over Pauls antics, and then I realised that I would gladly marry her and live happily ever after. Blast you Simon. Blast you. Now, I’m Pippa Wetzells biggest fan, don’t get me wrong. But Alison is doing a bangin job of filling in. I hope she knows we appreciate her. Because we really do. Anyway, we’ve made the Paul Henry ‘Moustache-gate’ t-shirt – and I’m happy to report, we’ve not received one email telling us how much they detest Paul Henry or the fact that we’ve made the t-shirt. And I know a few people don’t like our friend Paul. We do – even though he wasn’t particularly as blunt on the David Bain t-shirt fiasco. Every good boy deserves a second chance. And my how you’ve taken yours with aplomb Paul.
A moustache on a lady. Stephanie the Greenpeace chick. Not Sarah. She's a friend who has no moustache at all.
On the actual incident, it’s clear that she did have a moustache. And that’s not really cool. Good on her for taking a stand and having a bit a hair on the upper lip – Lord knows that if I could, I would (gosh darn puberty has just forgotten about my face). But I don’t think people can get angry when others talk about said moustache. If it’s not the norm, people will notice. She was on National TV, so it’s to be expected that people notice and comment. Time to shoot the elephant in the corner me thinks.
I liked how they’ve managed to get two pretty-ish sisters and pit them against each other though – bringing to the fore all the pent up angst and insecurity they’ve held inside for years. I can just see how it would’ve played out at the team meeting....
Vs.
Producer:They’re sisters? (Light-bulb!) I know. Let’s get them both on the show. Let me just run through my 5-point checklist.
1. Rift – Check.
2. Drama – Check.
3. Mildly interesting – Check.
4. Lack of any other ideas – Check.
5. Enough to keep my job and hang on for another series – I hope so. I seriously hope so.
Good work team. Now to find; Someone ethnic to bring up the race card Someone with an illness, maybe depression or an addiction – no, someone with both! Someone with a child who wants to go home soon. Actually, get a few - they’ll bond and form a click - genius. And can we please find someone that has more than an ounce of fat so we can make her feel bad about it?!
I think once we’ve got that we should be good to go. Who’d have thought? The whole show planned in one meeting. Reality TV has totally saved my job. Rubbish. And I’m not even a very cynical person.
So the fanfare around the Bain tees has started to ease, but not before every person with an opinion shared their thoughts on it. The majority was positive feedback from people who saw the light-hearted funny side.
We had others who swore they would do their best to bring us down. One person even called us imbeciles. That’s not nice at all – maybe it’s her that should be locked up. One lady went a step further and worded her entire spiel using witty sarcasm. That one confused us all and we weren’t sure if we were receiving praise or criticism.
We’re simple folk here at Mr Vintage. But the press really got hold of the story and ran with it, to the point that Rob was interviewed for a piece on TV3. Celebrity much? One week it’s the cover of the Parnell Darling, next it’s TV.... We’ve even been featured in at least five Australian news websites (blah, blah, blah). That’s a different country yo! Neat-o gang!
I guess just to re-cap, we’re pretty happy with how we might look after this incident, and – contrary to what a few people think – we’re confident that the majority of people weren’t offended by what were pretty harmless t-shirts. If we’ve lost a few customers or supporters, that sucks, but that's life and hopefully they can find it in their hearts to forgive us for our sins. Moving forward, we’ve got some really wicked designs coming up, and if you’ve managed to stick by us through this whole saga you won’t be disappointed. I promise - they'll definitely be better than the Chicken and Avocado sandwich I had for lunch. There was barely any avocado in it. There'll be heaps of avocado in our t-shirts.
Basically the press were saying that the tees are in bad taste. They also decided for some strange reason to seek the opinions of some crappy art-house designers. They of course felt it was tasteless. Meh. The writers had a field day as well. They used some aggressive words like “unrepentant”, and “slammed” – which was nice work.
Here’s some highlights:
World fashion label founder Denise L'Estrange-Corbet said people should remember that the trial was about "the murder of his family... it's a cheap way for a brand to lever publicity off something which so shocked New Zealanders". Zambesi founder Liz Findlay agreed. "I feel that this is in bad taste...
That chick with the weird name from ‘World’ should shut up. I mean seriously, she made kids t-shirts with the text: “future porn star”. If anyone’s trying to lever publicity from scandal then it’s surely that freaky lady.
That Zambesi lady reckons it’s in bad taste. She should take a second look at her Air NZ uniforms that she designed. Now that’s a fashion crime. Put a bit more effort in lady.
Paul Henry felt it was bad taste. That's a shame, I really like Paul Henry. I had no idea he was so PC.
Oliver Driver said on Sunrise that the tees were fine, and people should get over it. Good man Oliver you tall drink of water.
The feeling in the office lately has been frosty to say the least. There's splits in the camp, people not talking to people, people not sharing their lunch as they usually do.... It's rocky.
It all started yesterday.... While Andy and Joe were at the gym together, they were using their usual motivational techniques to push each other the limit. Andy would tell Joe to stop being such a pussy and keep going, while Joe would call Andy his 'Little buddy' and tell him he had small legs to make him keep going. When the rest of us at work got wind of this, we thought it was a laugh and stuck with the 'little' jibe. Bad idea. What happens in the gym, stays in the gym it seems.
Unfortunately, I have copped the full force of Andy's darker side - being completely frozen out and given the silent treatment by Andy. I'd like to use this outlet as the platform for my heartfelt apology. In Rap form of course.
Andy. You're not small. You're so big. Andy. You're not small. And now I realise the silliness of the call.
You're so big. Under that massive chest, where your heart lives - I hope there's a place to forgive.
On my mouth I should've put a lid, you make me look like a pre-pubescent kid.
With my hairless cheeks, and you with your hairy face - next to you I seem out of place.
You're by far the most muscly human being I know. And when I look at my guns next to you, I wonder when I'll start to grow.
Ronnie Coleman is your idol, but he aint got nothing on you. Jay Cutler comes close, but next to you he looks like poo. Real Talk. I can handle not being a brother of steel.
But when you ignore me, depression is how I feel. It makes me sad, and I'm not even going through a gay fad. It's just that I'm always thinking of how to make it up to you, even whilst sitting down for a poo.
It's with you in mind, I wrote this rap.
The hope being, our relationship would be re-charged, like after a nap.
So when you awake,a difference I hope this rap will make. I'll give it time, I'm prepared to wait.
But one thing I can't bear to take, being the object of your hate.
This little blog is just to show that we're not all silly buggers around here. Pretending to be other staff members writing fashion blogs and other crazy things like that are only some of the things we get up to here...
Rob said it was akward holding the handshake for so long.
Here's a picture of Rob - or 'Prince Charming' as the Parnell Darling Magazine have dubbed him - with Daniel Newman of the Manurewa City Council. That little piece of paper that's he's handing Dan is actually a cheque for $559.13 in cold hard cash (well...cheque form, but I wanted to say cold hard cash).
The money will go to the Randwick Park School so they can do some good stuff with it. If I was one of the students I'd be hoping for a fair to be held at the school so I could play coconut shy. I love that game. Cheers, Jay.
We've got this running joke at work about Robs name. Now, Rob has a pretty simple name really. Robert Ewan. I think you'll all agree that it's an easy name to remember.
Not so apparently. Robs regularly been called; Rod, Mark, Rob Ewen, and everyone's favourite, Rob McEwan. It's such an easy name to remember, I mean seriously, it's just two first names put together to make a full name. Actually, the other day I heard the saying 'Never trust a man with two first names'. Needless to say, I've got my eye on Rod from now on.
Anyway, I've been trying to think why so many people screw up his name. It's not hard, it's not long - stop being dirty you! - it's not hard to say, it's not hard to spell. Is it because he's forgettable? I should think not. He did win the Watson Trophy at school. That was the trophy awarded for the 'Personality of the year'. I covet that prize, and not a day goes by that I don't wonder what might have been had I attended Papatoetoe High. That's one to show the Grandkids.
Maybe they think he works at McDonalds?
Back to Rob. So the other day this little pixie came down to work to interview Rob for some magazine. And she was a nice little lady, and she was nice enough to send through the article before print. I'm kinda gutted that she did, cos Old Rob had somehow picked up a Mc in his surname! He gets pretty riled up about it. We all have a good laugh though.
Firstly, i'm just going to have to apologise for Jay. He's an angry little man, and Rob Schneider - if you're listening - you're a doll so don't stress it hun. I haven't seen the movie yet, but I don't think it would be the biggest mistake if you did. A big mistake would be getting a childish tattoo of the Playboy Bunny on your lower back. What can I say? Love makes you do crazy things :O I have been thinking though, what on earth should I write about next? Don't worry, I'll continue doing the fashion updates. But I want something else! The boys at work have been giving me a bit of a ribbing about my lack of sporting knowledge. So I thought, I'll show them. Welcome to my new update. 'Sports makes Joe Grow'! First installment; The cricket has been rained off today. OMG - Sounds like a night to work on the cuticles people!!! Because there's nothing worse than a neglected cuticle.
It's March already. I've had a pretty bad start to March. I saw a billboard for a Rob Schneider movie, and that is a good thing never. I believe the Movie is called Big Stan. Hopefully that's all I'll ever know about it. February was pretty good though, apart from the intense humidity that had me sporting a 24 hour shine. My brother in-law Ronnie had to take 3 tees to work; 1 for the 'walk from car to office', one 'mid-day lack of air-con' change, and then the walk back to car change. But he's a reasonably hairy and sweaty guy. I digress.
Save yourself. Don't see this.
This month we've got some neat little tees coming out for ya, as well as some cool promotions so you lot can win more tees. Joe's been working overtime on the designs, I'm not sure how he fits it all in these days, what with all the fashion writing he seems to be doing at the moment. I'm not one to criticize, but I'm not too sure about Joes new found passion for fashion. Each to his own I guess.
